Fuck the (fake) police.

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I always thought those ‘British tourist mugged by gang,’ scare stories were bullshit. “Only people who keep their passport, mobile, wallet, sunscreen and other vitals in a bum-bag believe that just because you’re wearing socks and sandals and a cap too small for your head that you’ll be the victim of mindless abuse.” In the summer of 2008 I took the trains around Europe with some friends, one of them is Andy:

“Literally our first night travelling and we were sitting on the port in Barcelona, near that weird lobster sculpture, fucked and listening to that Jurassic 5, Jazz Hip-Hop tune. We’d just picked up off that Kenyan guy who didn’t give us a shit tourist cut because I said a few things to him in Swahili. I think Id just finished skinning up and you starting saying ‘po-po!’ Next thing two guys in uniform ran up, pushed Sabby down the stairs, smacked me in the chest and that other guy held you guys back and took you off behind the statue. They started kicking my phone about to each other, properly scratched the screen up! Said stuff angrily in Spanish, took the weed and my mp3 player and fucked off. Obviously they were in uniform so I couldn’t do anything because people are a bit more inclined to believe what seems to be police over a drunk British tourist. We walked around trying to find the police station and Sabby had a fifteen-minute conversation in French with those German guys about how corrupt and ‘tres merde,’ the whole thing was. I went and told a Police-man about it when we were trying to find the station, apparently it happens all the time.”

There was actually a sign on the wall of the hostel telling you to be wary of men in uniform. Obviously that’s pretty dumb. We met some other people from home a couple of days later and told them to watch out for fake police. They went out that night, got approached by some men in uniform and gave them hassle because they thought they were just going to steal their ipods. Their trial for possession, police harassment and evading arrest is this summer in Barcelona. ‘Mother-fuck the police.’

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