Skinning the Record Store Day ebay Resellers

Categorised as FEATURES., MUSIC.

Oh, Record Store Day, what a wonderful day where we all went down to our local record store and bought a bunch of special releases by bands we loved in the hope of bringing our record collections that little bit closer to elusive completion. Did I say ‘all’? I must have meant ‘most of us’ because, as ever, an insidious pack of cunts also decended on Record Store Day with the intention of milking it and honest fans of music for all they are worth. A prime example of how endemic the problem is comes in the form of a White Stripes release limited to 750 copies, 175 of which were on ebay a little over 24 hours after RSD kicked off. That’s not to say that there aren’t a handful of resellers who provide an honest service for people who don’t live near indie record stores at genuinely fair prices. Here’s a round-up of the worst offenders.

Ebay User: natiahs
Record Store Day crimes: Attempting to sell a release for $3,500

Natiahs holds the distinguished position of being the biggest scalp on ebay with his (we will assume ‘he’ as violence against women is completely unacceptable) liquid filled Jack White 12″,  the most expensive ‘Buy it now’ listing with a price tag of a whopping £2,172, and he’s had the cheek to ask for another £30 in postage! Natiahs describes his item as “the holy grail of Record Store Day 2012”. I like his use of metaphor here so let’s roll with it. In some literature it is ascertained that the Holy Grail was given to Joseph of Arimathea by an apparition of Christ (known as a ghost IRL). From this we can conclude that Natiahs is, in fact, prophesying his own death, which is something I am sure we all have our fingers crossed for. Another theory contends that the Holy Grail was actually the cup that Joseph of Arimathea used to catch JC’s blood with when he was being crucified, perhaps a couple of nails through Natiahs wrists are in order here?

Ebay User: tofugallery
Record Store Day crimes: Exclusives marked up to the gills include Coldplay, Belle & Sebastian, Metallica 

Tofugallery haven’t failed to get into the spirit of Record Store Day exclusivity with their three items, each of which proudly re-proclaims the RSD mantra of “ONE ONLY”, so I guess we have to give them credit where credit is due. I think their pricing may be a little off with mark-ups in the region of about 1,000%, which is eplained thusly:

Yes, we fully understand that some of our prices may not be cheap. But then again – low editions, rare, authentic and 100% original collectables are never cheap. If they are cheap – something must be fishy – are we not being honest in saying so?

I personally never trusted Record Store Day either, I always thought there was something fishy about all those re-pressings. You know what else is fishy? This sack of bricks I want to throw off a bridge with you inside at high tide.

Ebay User: tindayo
Record Store Day crimes: Pretty much everything

What Tindayo has managed here is the impossible dream of all vinyl enthusiasts, to go into a record store and leave with bags and bags and bags of rare records. Unfortunately this person has also managed to display the nightmare of all vinyl fans by listing every single one of those records at upwards of £30 a pop alongside uninspiring ebay trinkets and frumpy M&S clothing . His/her most heinous crime is the pricing of a Sex Pistols picture disk at £60, a fitting if unimaginative punishment would be to methodically insert safety pins into this persons genitals whilst deafening them with a private show from some shitty hepatitus-riddled punk band who enjoy ‘gobbing’.

Ebay User: jack*bauer*24
Record Store Day crimes: Jack has added about $150 to the retail of everything he could get his hands on, which was almost everything

By the end of the first page I got fed up of counting how many RSD releases were listed on this cunt’s listings page (it’s literally every 12″ that was issued in batches of less than 1,000), but I calculated that he will probably single-handedly reverse the fortunes of the entire US economy if he shifts the whole lot. Each listing proudly proclaims that “Record will be shipped in a sturdy Record Box, don’t trust your purchase with people that don’t know how to ship records”, which means that he provides a superior service when fisting music fans for their money and is well versed in doing so. People are always trying to kill the real Jack Bauer and I imagine that the ebay version will probably enjoy the same treatment heaped upon his namesake.

Ebay User: nelson502012
Record Store Day crimes: Set up an ebay account especially for RSD

Nelson set up his ebay account on the 24th February 2012, just in time to get a bit of positive feedback and start cashing in on Record Store Day. Nelson individually describes each item with the opening gambit, “you are bidding on a rare as hen’s teeth item…. mint…snaffled from the front of a Record Store Day 2012 queue….rare as hen’s teeth and highly collectible!” Let me tell you this, Nelson, I would like to snaffle your jaw to a particularly spooked horse and have the equestrian beast draw you down a newly laid gravel path at a moderate gallop to see how you like being snaffled. He’s also got five Leonard Cohen tickets for sale which he (very enthusiastically) “selected the print your own option at point of sale!!” so you know you are dealing with a pro who is unashamedly going to send you, by special delivery, tickets he has made at home for £500.

Marcus Harris

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