Interview: Yucky Slime
OMDZ here’s an interview with two thirds of shit-hot South East fun-as-fuck punx Yucky Slime! We’re gonna ask them ALL the questions and they’re gonna give us ALL the answers! And with that in mind, read on motherfuckers! Right off the bat I wanna get into the minds of Yucky Slime:
Who are you and what is your purpose on Earth?
Naseby: I’m Naseby and my purpose on earth is to ooze from different orifices.
Joss: I’m Joss and my purpose on earth is to stop Naseby from hurting himself… too much. Oh and King Gut isn’t here but his purpose on earth is to take off his clothes.
My source tells me you guys are pretty big on wrestling, what’s your favourite move and who’s your favourite wrestler???
N: This is a difficult question to answer. There are many aspects to consider. For instance, I like Kurt Angle because he is technically very good in the ring, but he is lacking in character. I have a soft spot for ‘The British Bulldog’ Davey boy Smith because he’s British (duh). I also am fond of Mick Foley because he’s just fucking hardcore, and I am very fond of The Ultimate Warrior because he has a cool neon Native American costume. But I suppose if I were pushed to make the decision on who was my favourite, I would go with my childhood hero, Ravishing Rick Rude. He had it all: the best tights in the business, the three M’s; the muscles, the moustache, the mullet. And he was just a lascivious bad boy heel who was so bad he became sexy. I look back fondly to my youth, where I would make my sister be Medusa, Rick’s manager, and I would be Rick, and I would just do the entrance over and over again, and then I’d smear lipstick across my chest and pretend I’d been cut having been suplexed onto the steel steps.
Regarding my favourite move, this is again a difficult one to answer because there are moves that I think are great, but would never choose for myself if I were a wrestler. Obviously high risk manoeuvers like the 619, or The Last Ride are very impressive, but sometimes the simplest gain the most legendary status, Of course, everyone knows The People’s Elbow, which is just an elbow drop, but because it’s done by The Rock, it’s crushing. There is of course, The Mandible Claw, by Mankind, which is very simple but because of the way the opponent sells it, it looks coooool.
However, if I were creating my own move set, I would make my finishing move one that I haven’t seen done in the ring yet. I have invented it, I think. I would call it The Inverted Bearhug Driver, which would basically involve me picking the opponent up and turning him upside down and squeezing him until he was unconscious and then I would make sure he’d KO’d with a good rustic pile driver. BAM!
J: MY FAVOURITE WRESTLER IS GOLDDUST!
Who do you think would win in a fight between Barney the dinosaur and Bear from “Bear in the big blue house”?
J: Barney would obviously win in a fight because he is a genuine psychopath however having just compared title sequences the bear would slay Barney in a dance off. They are also both naked.
N: Barney could wrestle Bear to the ground, chain him up and play his theme tune on repeat for 48 hours, until Bear’s will was broken. It would be a great match to see, Barney’s like Rikishi and Bear is like a cuddly Undertaker.
What’s the yuckiest thing you’ve ever done? You can tell us, it’ okay.
N: I once vomited on my own cock whilst doing a poop.
J: No no we need more than that… Tell the nice people.
N: I tried to cure a dicky tummy with some sort of black alcohol, I’m not sure what it was, I don’t think it was Sambuca. But it didn’t cure it and I just got drunk and still had the dicky tummy. I then went to bed, but felt the imminent diarrhea attack so ran to the bathroom. When I got in there, I realised I had to make the decision of whether i’d rather clean up vomitus or excreta and at the time, the decision was easy; I sat on the toilet, klnowing full well that I was going to vomit on the floor, but the sick came up before I could properly lean over and I just heaved all over my penis. It gave me a hard on.
J: Oh……… I actually feel kind of sad now………. On my sixteenth birthday I peed in a beer bottle and put the cap back on then gave it to a friend; he drank it.
What’s the slimiest thing that you’ve consumed? EVER.
N: Lady’s fingers
J: Other bits of lady
How does one get yucky? Or slimed up to the max?
J: In order to “get yucky” one must first “think yucky” and only then may he become “way gross”
N: Vomit on your reproductive organs.
What’s the best gig you’ve played so far?
J: The Reeks of Effort Pool Party duh.
N: I am in accordance. I got to achieve my ambition to do a semi naked stage dive.
Plans for the future? World domination? Sweatshop owner? Indie pornstar?
N:I plan to read Lord of the Rings for the fifth time this year.
J: I plan to eat a burrito in every city we play in and I also plan to………. actually I don’t plan to do anything else.
And finally, what wise words do you have for the youth of today?
J: Try to somehow find a way to take interviews seriously when they have been sent to you by Johny Chhetri and when they are blatantly just a thinly veiled hack marketing ploy to get people to go to his show at Power Lunches on Friday 3rd August.
N: Don’t kill anything unless you want to eat it, and be nice to people and don’t break wind in public, but burp as loudly as you can.
Words: Jazzy Chhet