Writers gonna be kicking themself.

Categorised as GENERAL.

Being a script-writer would be amazing. I said that with absolutely no prior knowledge as I’ve never done it, but I imagined it to be sitting round in a room with a load of swell people who you get on really well with, and cranking out ideas for successful TV shows. Then I realised that I’m being completely idealistic because in reality you’re probably sitting there with people you despise and don’t agree with (one of whom tried coming on to you by slying their hand on to your knee under the desk a couple of weeks ago) and you know that your first draft will be inevitably be rejected, and you’ll have to go through the whole tedious process over and over again with creepy handerson sitting next to you and their fingers working their way slowly up your thigh until you lodge a sexual harassment case against them.

Fine, it’s not all indie and its totally mainstream (haters gonna hate) but I was always most envious of the South Park writing team (Matt Stone & Trey Parker, who you may have seen in Orgasmo or Baseketball if you’re a fan of extremely childish humour performed by grown men like I am) because as irreverent as it seems they always manage to put across spot on social commentary while at the same time making dick jokes and offending middle America. That’s the kind of job that I want to have; in their case it is effectively¬†what I thought it would be – hanging out with your friends and saying, “oh wouldn’t it be funny if…” about 300 times a day, then getting paid for it.

The problem with writing for TV shows and movies however is that you don’t know what’s going to come and fuck it all up for you. Remember September 11th? Yeah duh, course you do. The ending of Men in Black 2 had to be changed because of that as it was shot right under the twin towers, which I suppose isn’t the greatest loss to cinema but you know what I’m saying – other people go and do stuff to fuck up what you’ve already done and ruin it for others. Here are a couple of moments like that out of shows that I’ve seen recently and if you’ve never watched either of these then the rest of the article won’t make much sense.

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Jim & Pam’s wedding.

Four seasons of longing, fleeting looks, flirting and pranks led up to this point, and it made me cry (no homo) and wish I could work in this office. In fact it made me wish that I was Jim and my girlfriend was Pam – but then again Jim looks a bit like a bear and my girlfriend is way hotter (I like to brag), even though Pam has that cute girl next door thing going on. Obviously the reason they did the whole ‘wedding party dancing to Chris Brown’ thing is because, as Michael says “Did you see this? It was on youtube,” but it’s kind of marred by the fact that Chris Brown is a woman beating psycho and thinking of Ri-Ri’s beaten face while you’re walking down the aisle is a real downer. In fact having this song played at your wedding is the equivalent of getting Gary Glitter to do a live performance at your child’s christening, and I imagine the Rihanna fiasco came out at nearly the same time as this episode was aired, which I’m sure the writers were pissed about. Here’s some trivia: Toby’s brother in real life plays Mose, and he’s married to Angela. If you don’t watch The Office then I understand how dull that was.

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Chris Langham in the shit of it.

Like everyone else I know, I didn’t get in to the Thick of It until I saw In the Loop – then I realised that the show my dad had on dvd and was always telling me to watch probably wasn’t some shitty TV equivalent of dad rock like Snow Patrol and Keane, but something actually worth a squirt. I watched all the first series on the internet, illegally, tee hee (that’s just how I roll, don’t fuck with what you can’t handle) and in hindsight I’m so glad that I was blissfully unaware of what Chris Langham had been up to. Obviously the show’s still a LOL a minute, mostly because of Malcolm Tucker and Glen, but I can’t get that niggling little thought out of my mind that Hugh Abbott has a thing for children, and that just wrecks it for me.

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