I am going to introduce you to the weird things I find whilst spending maybe a bit too long trawling the internet on days I am too hungover to do anything else. And believe me I come across some very strange things.

So I don’t know if you are aware, but there’s a new phenomenon all over YouTube of rich little white girls still living at their mum and dad’s house, spitting bars to their photo booth in a weird kind of karaoke, their audience being the VERY harsh YouTube clientele. Singing such songs as Busta Rhymes ‘Look at me now’ and Azealia Banks ‘212’. I am blaming Iggy Azalea for all this madness, I mean she’s skinny, white and can rap (that is if you can call talking about her pussy, sorry I mean ‘pu$$y’, rapping.) So why can’t these sweet little college teens not do it? Let’s look at some of the key performers: What I like about Georgie is that she had clearly been trying to perfect this song for the past 2 months and finally decided on New Years Eve eve to ‘try out her cam’. Her opening line ‘HEY I CAN BE THE ANSWUR’ really upsets me, I am not sure if she’s American (actually I definitely know she isn’t American, I did some background research via her Twitter, and she’s Swindon based and titles herself as ‘singer, bassist, martial artists and radio dj’) but her accent replacing e’s with u’s really is quite peculiar. Geeisntdead, aka Georgie, got a mixed reaction but my favourite comment has to be “When you was saying cunt I wanked” by mcharvy99. What I don’t get about the comments to this video is everyone is abusing her for saying the N word but I would be more concerned about her creepy saw doll smile and the way she tries to seduce her youtube audience with her 16 year old come to bed eyes. Calle is a total babe. I came across her when searching ‘rap covers’ and then became a little obsessed with her channel. Okay, she is annoying and American and a lil’ princess but she makes really odd films. There’s this one where she sort of plays two characters, one being the McDonald’s worker and the other being the angry customer. The next generation really do have too much time on their hands. I really don’t understand how she has this attitude but she does and I will tell you something for free this girl can rap (without reading the lyrics on screen). She was ‘like so borrrreeed’ and decided to make this video. What I like about her is that she is very animated doing waves with her hands and clasping her face. I don’t wanna really watch some 18 year old girl pouting into photobooth, THIS is entertainment. However the crowd beg to differ. As you can see, I aim to bring her to London and just entertain me 24/7. What upsets me the most about this is Jayla Alexis’s parents are letting their child sing this song but Jayla only seems to know certain bits of the song, ‘shit’ being her favourite and most dramatised word. Instead of rapping about getting ‘paypur’ and waxing it all over Mrs Miyagi maybe she should be singing songs like 5,6,7,8 (Steps) or even just the theme tune from Balamory? I’m not a parent but is this really what 5 year old kids are doing these days? What also worries me is how much positive feed back she gets from the monsters on YouTube. This got me into conducting a little experiment of my own, I did white girl rapping karaoke on YouTube over the weekend just for the lolz to see how mean people really can be on YouTube. I went for a cheeky cover of Earl Sweatshirts ‘Drop’, because in my own little dream world I fantasise about being in OFWGKTA, wearing tie dye cat merch and get away with calling everyone faggots all day in a suspect American accent, c’mon Lana Del Ray is married to president A$AP now in her new video. I never really got the Lana Del Ray thing, she looks like she walked out of TOWIE and sings songs for girls on their periods. So anyways, back to my 2.24 piece of utter rapping faiI that I spread all over Twitter to my Golf Wang friends and this is the response I received.

Ok so I got a 100% negatiative feedback but I took cagedkorns advice and lets just say my rapping career has HIT the roof. This time I covered Danny Browns, ‘I will’ which probably is the most disgusting song ever, ‘I am a real pussy monster’ (sorry Mum and future employees. Can I stress this is an experiment and I am actually a nice girl that likes cats and James Franco?). I’m not going to lie, I had to put some effort into this performance, I styled my rap in a £16,000 dress, set up a sleezy environment, put photobooth on black and white (so arty) and then tweeted it to Danny. He retweeted it and now I am getting quite a lot of fans, some ‘bruhs’ wanting me to cover their songs and I even got a marriage proposal. And there you have it geeisntdead, callemaynard and jayla that is how you (cough) become a successful white girl rapper.

Find me in L.A, I’m off to join the boys + Syd the kid.

This entry was tagged as cover, emmely dovaston, internet, rap, youtube.