Didn't want a picture of Bieber, so you get Pun instead.

I love berating children over the internet as much as the next youtube warrior, I’d try and traverse the limitations of virtual reality to actually savagely beat them with a keyboard if I could. But enough is enough,  we have to draw a line of internet etiquette at some point.  If a kid came to you with a mixtapette of Usher ‘Confessions’ era covers on your daily ramble – you wouldn’t spark them out. So why do  we feel the need to voyage through that mecca of  insightful political discourse, the youtube comment section remarking how this is nothing compared to the stuff you listened to as a kid is pretty vexing. Nothing can compare to Big Bopper or Kurtis Blow, or whatever  you crusty old has-been fucks used to listen to. So let’s not beat up future generations over it.

I understand though, I too am hounded by the curse of internet anonymity day in and day out. It’s a constant temptation to tell ten year olds lip syncing to songs that they’re ’shit and should eat shit and die’. You convince yourself  that ‘if they didn’t want to be critiqued they shouldn’t put it in the public domain’ as you lay into them, only stopping to rearrange the impending hard-on smashing into your zipper. Paragraph upon paragraph of rant, that you have to spread across two posts because the youtube comment box has a word limit. I know all this, because I used to do that, but then I realized people who lip sync to songs  have enough hidden shit pie on the plate without me coming along giving it the self-righteous jizz glazing. And also no-one ever replied.

Then you have Justin Bieber. I’m not going to defend his music. I am in perfect cognisance of just how shitty it is, but I understand that he is a sixteen year old boy, making music for ten year olds, looking like a middle aged lesbian. At no point in that business relationship do I need to enter into it.  It’s something everyone understands, just something that some people choose to ignore. He is like the constant of internet abuse,  tenuously linked to every video I watch. I suggested Hitler. I said let’s do Hitler, he’s done some pretty nasty shit, let’s do him. I was ignored.

I presume most of the animosity comes from the actual metric fuckton of your little sister’s dollar he is probably saving for when he becomes the next Corey Haim. But at the end of the day. kids are full retard, they like bubbly, lowest common denominator, tits over talent pop; and without venturing any deeper into the world of post-modern dickheadery, already being clipped with this, a blog post defending Justin Bieber, that’s fine. Kid’s like artificiality. It’s just not our tubby little western babies either, Bieber transcends racial divides. I went to a mall in Bangladesh, and the shops were literally littered with Bieber merch and Manchester United caps, mans  be busting in his jams and pretending to like soccerball worldwide.

More Pun

What really personally jars me though, is how he’s held up like some sort of emblem for an apparently deteriorating music industry by people. Like an Anti-christ  of music, as if shit music is a phenomena exclusive to my generation, and not just one more noticeable through the advent of globalization. That hit me when he was parodied on South Park (an alien kills him whilst he is playing a concert, Mark Twain go fuck yourself). That seems like a silly thing to say, but I love South Park, they’re always on point with social trends and that’s what got to me. He shouldn’t be a talking point, he’s nothing new. He is just a new set of facial bones in the right places to make an easy buck; they come they go. We shouldn’t hate him or love him, because both of those require an element of care, and well unless you like his music…you shouldn’t

End on a Haim.

We’ve made him too powerful now though, his fans are entering Juggalo territory. That undying love, where they believe the world is against them, with derision only making them stronger.  However adversely I’ve noticed this hilarious watered down subversiveness spawning  amongst  the other pre-teens who come from the  Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park crowd. For instance, I saw a Youtube comment chain going around, in which they  planned to have a ‘I HATE JUSTIN BieBER’ day. Which basically entailed them posting names of their favourite  bands in the comment sections of Justin Bieber videos. Which to me is just in essence of musical discussion on Youtube and to a wider extent the whole internet. It’s a constant one man up contest, interspersed  with degradation of everything they don’t like.

I’m not that moist of a cunt that I condemn degradation on a whole. If it’s insightful or humorous then I’m all for it, but flippancy was always the case for me. You could say that’s the beauty of the internet; the capacity to mindlessly abuse with no consequence. If it is i will be too busy busting several nuts over Spankwire to care.