First World Problems, Facebook

Categorised as GENERAL.

Globalisation has captured our planet and short of a cataclysmic disaster there is no going back. Plato’s prisoners have left the cave. This is a good thing. 

We have more in common with our regular Joes and Janes or Jafars and Juwans elsewhere in the world than with the oligarchic elites that hover their iron heel above us. It is not difficult to feel that, while our circumstances are different mostly through a life lottery, a crime against a child laborer in a Chinese sweatshop, or the innocent collateral damage of a drone strike in Yemen, an economically oppressed prisoner of America’s War On Drugs, or an exiled family forced away from their homes in Sudan, we are all child laborers, we are all that collateral damage, we are all oppressed, we are all exiled. A worker on a rubber farm in Sri Lanka is different to an auto worker in Detroit only by the limit of exploitation decided by the whim of their employer, or the diktat of country into which they were born.

But the ‘first world problem’ unquestionably exists. Social media completely turned the internet on its head. It played a vital role in the Arab Spring, it had its hand in China’s ‘Jasmine Revolution’, and social networks like Twitter are becoming an increasingly important source for breaking news, delivering first hand citizen journalism in 140 characters or less – with a sense of urgency the mainstream media is impossibly still trying to get its head around and compete with. It’s been there in the conflict between Israel and Palestine, Egypt, Tunisia, and Syria. With this much interaction happening in real time, 24/7, of course there will also be corporate interests at play. And it is a striking parallel. Vodafone, for example, has a dedicated team that combs Twitter for disgruntled customers on other networks. More tariffs than Tahrir Square.  Others have famously blundered on behalf of their brand – an angry Nestle Europe administrator deleting criticism on Facebook, accidental swearing, hacked accounts, and a Waitrose initiative that entrenched its position as the supermarket of choice for the privileged. Actually, that last one paid off.

But what of everyone else? What about those people who aren’t like me, people who would rather complain about pizza than ruin a perfectly good game of beer pong by bringing up violent authoritarian clampdowns?  While Syria’s internet had essentially been completely cut-off, I took to some big brand Facebook pages to see what people were posting while the communications line of a bloody civil war was mysteriously disappeared. Here are a few of my favourite Facebook First World Problems.

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DORITOS 

– “Doritos – why is it everytime I buy a bag of your chips it’s never full ?? Seriously the amount of air/space you leave in there is ridiculous I’m paying more for the bag than I am the product the expectation of a share bag is a share bag not a half full grab bag size !!”

– “It’s not right that I can’t buy chilli heat wave in Australia.”

– “Hello can you help me out im chasing my dream here and I was just asking to thid one chance can I be in your next doritos advert break dancing please”

– “Why don’t you do small bags of the lightly salted flavour in the UK? They’re my favourite. I’ve seen small bags used at a restaurant before, but never in shops? Why?”

PIZZA HUT UK

– “I’ve lost my 2 for 1 voucher,could you send me another 1 please?”

– “I visited pizza hut last Tuesday and today was the first opportunity I have had to do the online survey and claim a 2 for 1 voucher. I’m now advised it’s expired!! Pizza hut either want feedback or not! Why does the code expire after 7 days?! I guess I won’t be visiting again unless you can send me another code?!”

– “I’m writing a fictional novel book called Birmingham In Flames which is about the fire service and in my novel I have mentioned Pizza Hut – UK a few times so I thought try and contact Pizza Hut by email to check if it is okay to mention Pizza Hut in my book?”

– “When is Royal Tunbridge Wells going to get a Pizza Hut again? ”

– “Your Manager Phil in Canterbury is a disgrace to Pizza Hut UK”

DOMINO’S PIZZA UK 

– “Just ordered from u and got a call 2 tell me theres no spicy pork bites so sad now i love them hopin the rest of my order is ok”

– “Due to work commitments I am currently forced into a long distance relationship. Last night ( 06/12/12 ) was the last night of a week off I had managed to get off to spend with my partner before returning to work. Instead of going out for a meal we decided to settle for a night in on the couch, rent a movie and order a take away. We decided to treat ourselves to a Domino’s Pizza, never previously having a problem with service, quality or delivery. Not having a current copy of the menu, we decided to go online and use the online ordering service. We placed an order just past 7 pm. We had expected it to take 30 minutes or 45 minutes at a push to arrive. At 8 pm, an hour after ordering we decided to ring the store to check on our order, expecting to be told it was on its way and that it had been an unusually busy night and because we hadn’t phoned our order in, they hadn’t had opportunity to inform us a later delivery time. Over the course of the next hour we tried ringing over 80 times, each time receiving a line busy tone.”

EASTENDERS 

– “Love Kat and her affair but like Alf so much xoxoxo why do characters go away for ages and no reason why ,and then just come back out of the blue in Australia just up to th epart where Christian got bashed”

– “If it aint 1000000000000 people dying on the square by a 2mile a hour speed limit to 20202020202020 affairs and the same repeated story lines. there now grasping at straws and heading down the incest root not realising there condoning sex with cousins hahahahaha hilerous great message to youngens now they will be looking at there cousins ur a joke eastender im sick of ur show”

– “Does it matter who it is. All the story lines in eastenders end in doom and gloom. DEPRESSING. Going to stop watching it”

EMMERDALE

– “I cannot stand the sight of Marlon with his over exagerated facial movements/fake tears and pathetic voice~can Santa please come early and remove Marlon from the Dales and drop him in the middle of Albert Square! home of another soap which is just about as dire as Marlon’s acting “skills””

– “Why are you bringing chavs to Emmerdale!”

– “I’ve never been so angry at a story line in ages . I hope The Vicar gets it !!!!!!!!!!! RESPECT x”

GINSTERS 

– “I had one of your pepper steak slices today for my lunch. I wonder if you’d considered doing an alternativem exchanging the beef for another meat, such as pork. You could then call it the Pepper Pig slice…?”

– “One of my favorourite pasties, (until tonight!!!), used to be Ginsters…I just got back from a short trip to UK, (I live in Houston, TX), and picked up a couple of the “Original” pasties to bring back with me……..IS THERE A MEAT SHORTAGE IN UK!!!!…You Should rename this thing the Original POTATO PASTY!!!!…..WHAT A SHAME!!!”

ORAL B TOOTHPASTE 

– “I have tried all your tooth brushes but none seems to not oak my gums bleed 🙁 help!”

– “Hello Oral B. I will be looking to your competitors to replace the current Oral B and P&G products my family and I have used for many years.The choice that your company makes to advertise with the very biased MSNBC network being my primary reason.The consistent and excessive attacks,insults and mockery of the better half of America with conservative values is no longer acceptable to me and many .Your support to them lends no support to the hard working fiscally conservative individuals who have kept successful companies such as Oral B on top throughout the years.It is my hope that you will consider re-directing your advertising to areas where all opinions are valued rather than only those of a select few.So until then Bye Bye Oral B ,Bye Bye Crest,Scope ,Fixodent. America needs you Oral B, we need you P&G. It is you ,the very successful businesses that keep the wheels turning in our country and abroad .Step up and help us prosper in America again.Best Regards”

– “Why are all of your children’s toothbrushes branded with (obvious boy/girl) Disney characters? It would be great if you could produce the same product with no images on the handle.”

VO5 EXTREME STYLE 

– “I’ve got some tubs of your Extreme Style Rework, great product but one of the lids has exploded”

– “Hi guys, I want to settle an argument with my hubby! He said the guy in the latest advert who rebels against the village is the same guy who appeared in an episode of Men Behaving Badly quite some time ago! I totally disagree! Can someone please settle the argument for us xxx”

– “how can i enter t
he contest”

FAT FACE 

– “What a disappointment your new Taunton store, less menswear than you had in your old shop, what a let down, big mistake, you will struggle to make more money in this shop and thinkwhat you have invested!!!”

– “In this tight economic climate, I figured retailers would do their utmost on the customer service front to keep their regular customers. All I wanted was a pair of chinos sent from one store to another, but apparently this is too much effort, even if I offer to pay the postage? Thanks Fat Face.”

– “Love my waxed Charlie Utility Jacket which I’ve had 3 weeks now. It looks great. Extremely disappointed however to discover its not waterproof. What’s the point of a waxed jacket that isn’t useful in the rain. Maybe I should of bought the Barbour after all.”

URBAN OUTFITTERS 

– “i am shocked and appalled by this catalog. Take me off the mailing list or tell me how to get off of it.”

– “Get me off too! I am disgusted. My 20 year old daughter will not spend a dime there this Christmas.”

– “It’s disgusting that you would use the “F” word in your catalog.”

– “Your catalog quality is awful. The content is even worse. Vile and disgusting. I called and cancelled future mailings. I won’t shop there any longer. I may file a civil law suit. This is unacceptable.”

NEW ERA EUROPE 

– “Post my drawing pls”

– “how much do yous sell your gears for?”

– “hiya i wanna go to the new era store in london but dont know which one to go to? which one is the best can anyone help plz !!!???”

ED SHEERAN 

– “Want To Save Chris And The Team Now You Can Click The Link, Like The Page And Show Your Support For The Team. Help Us Show How Much We Love Listening To Them. Your Help And Support Is Greatly Appreciated Thank You. Even If We Don’t Succeed At Lest We Showed Our Support And Love For The Show. http://www.facebook.com/KeepChrisMoylesOnRadio1#!/KeepChrisMoylesOnRadio1 Keep Chris Moyles on Radio 1″

Tamlin Magee

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