Extreme Shit on DealExtreme
If you haven’t heard of it, DealExtreme is an online retailer that offers cheap electronics mostly shipped in from China. You name it, there’s an asbestos coated version on DealExtreme. Industrial strength laser pointers, exploding external USB drives, that famous meme of a Thomas the Tank Engine Transformer - it’s all there, and really, really cheap. Now it’s even dared to take on the infallible, unquestionable LOCOG by running its own London Olympics web store complete with official logo.
DealExtreme also has a sister site called IntimateGadgets.com, which, as you are about to find out, is pretty rad. So, here’s just some of the cool and extreme deals you can get from IntimateGadgets.com.
Intimate Lifelike Hand Style The Fleshlight for Him with Vibrator
There are some pretty weird fetishes out there on internet land, but stigmata is a new one to me. Pretend to have sex with your Lord and Saviour’s representative here on earth with the Intimate Lifelike Hand Style The Fleshlight for Him with Vibrator. Or complete the set, with…
Intimate Lifelike Foot Style The Fleshlight for Him with Vibrator
Yes, DealExtreme caters to everyone. Sell a fuckable hand? Of course. Sell a fuckable foot? Of course. What’s really weird about this (and actually, the whole thing is pretty weird) is that the shoe also looks like it’s made out of skin. The only possible conclusion to draw is that, somewhere in the world, a factory foresaw enough demand in the admittedly niche having-sex-with-a-foot-wearing-human-skin market and decided to go for it. Capitalism at its finest. Also, buy three or more and save. What a deal!
Creative Beer Bottle Style Soft Silicone Body Massager
Gentleman prefer pure blondes! With this classy number you can pretend to be a plain old regular alcoholic on the night bus, or even the regular bus. More fool TfL when they try to kick you off for drinking.
1.6M-Height Simulation Inflatable Female Doll Body Massager Set (Black-Hair)
According to one of the reviews, “put on her nightdress and look like the real thing ”, a “very good and dear girlfriend,” but on the downside, “I got to 3 weeks”, whatever that means. Three weeks until what? Did she break up with you, dude? I am getting to thinking most of these reviewers, if they are legit, must be severely psychologically disturbed. She doesn’t really look like the real thing, does she? Taking her for dinner and a movie isn’t going to happen, plus she doesn’t have any hands or feet. I wonder what happened to those?
Silicone Penis Style Black Ink Ballpoint Pen
Whether it’s lads on tour having it up in Shagaluf or a demure dinner-and-cocktails affair at Chipping Norton, who could say their party wouldn’t have benefited from a pen with a cock on it? A versatile item, customers can use it to write things, scribble things out, or sexually gratify Thumbelina.
Imitation Naughty Straws (5-Pack)
Wait, what? Imitation? These aren’t even the real fucking deal! I guess an imitation straw means that it just doesn’t work as a straw, but looks a bit like one. Which these don’t. They look like weird dicks. Still, not bad to frame the Dorito’s.
Glow-in-Dark Natural Latex Lubricated Condoms (20-Pack)
All in, there are a bunch of great and extreme deals to be found at DealExtreme and Intimate Gadgets but it’s probably best if you don’t put any of you inside them, or vice versa. I’ve heard shipping can take between four to six weeks and it’s kind of more like a lottery that you pay a couple dollars for.