Countries that suck harder than the U.K.

Categorised as GENERAL.

Everyone’s always complaining about living in the U.K; weather, politicians, queues, public transport and all those immigrants & blacks and whatnot (I’m looking at you Yorkshire and Humber.) Blah blah blah all the fucking time – but do any of you miserable bastards ever take the time to consider all the great things we have going for us? You know, like a fast food restaurant and coffee chain on every street, the fact that it’s completely normal to get wasted and beat up innocent people, and a rich cultural heritage that we can still see today in Morris dancing and the baskets full of ketchup and old tinned food schoolchildren scrape together nationwide every year on Harvest festival. Well it’s time to do that. And while you do that read about these other countries that are shittier than us to make you feel even better.

 

Iceland.

Well this one’s just obvious considering recent events. Where to start with you Iceland you fucking spiteful block of unpronounceable towns? Yeah so what – just because the U.N called you the most developed country once and you produce loads of cool art and music, doesn’t mean you can go and spit a pig shaped cloud of black dust and molten glass over the rest of Europe. MOLTEN GLASS! That’s pretty much the same as you guys coming over here, smashing the windows in our houses, setting the floor on fire and rubbing our faces around in the burning shards of glass. Worse still it didn’t even seem to affect you at all, and what, no apology? You fucking inconsiderate bastards. Anyway, doesn’t matter – at least there aren’t any low budget food shops named after us who get washed up drug addicts to advertise their food.

Chad.

Imagine the shame of living somewhere that shares the name Chad with pretty much every douche-lord who terrorises innocent nerds in fictional American T.V shows. The only worse possible name for a country is something like Chet, Brad, Brock or any of the other names uninspired scriptwriters choose for the bullies in their T.V shows. Why when they named this country could they not have used a more wholesome American name like Chuck or Jimmy? Think of all the great Chucks – Norris, Berry, Bass (the funniest thing in Gossip Girl) and Jimmies – Ballard, Gandolfini and Morrison. There is NOONE cool called Chad.

Luxembourg.

Hey Luxembourg you’re so small you can commit suicide by jumping off the curb! Hey Luxembourg you’re so small that you need to wear a booster seat to drive! Hey Luxembourg you’re so small Belgium, Germany and France lose you down the side of their sofa every day! Get it? Luxembourg is TINY. I don’t really know much about it except for that somehow they drink more than any other country in Europe and that there was a guy from Luxembourg at my school once who was the dumbest person I’ve ever met, and I’ve been to America.

Antarctica.

The North pole’s got Santa Claus and Reindeer, what do you got South pole? Penguins, fauna and plankton? Pffftt, lame. Imagine how incredibly boring it would be to be completely surrounded by just ice and scientists all the time. Saying that, living in literally the middle of nowhere would give you the excuse to do whatever you wanted and grow a really big beard and pretend to be Sasquatch if you’re a guy and never have to shave your legs and armpits if you’re a girl. But eventually that gets kind of gross, so fuck you Antarctica.

 

 

North Korea

Duh.



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Fools Gold.

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