A thin line?
I’m not gonna sugar coat it, which may have been the problem in the first place, but….
I’m a fat cunt.
I’ve been told I’m not. Friends are good like that. They lie to you cos they love you. Or because they hate you, I’m not quite sure. The point is I’m sick of looking like someone squashed a chocolate donut together and put jeans and a shirt on it. People, predominately skinny, make light of being fat. It borders on patronising, throwing out comments like “There’s more of you to love” or “Your cuddly the way you are.”
That’s like going up to someone in a wheelchair and saying “At least you dont get knackered from all that walking!”
Being fat is rubbish. Girls look past you for the ripped, chiseled cunt stood next to you, not knowing that the fat guy (me) is hung like a meat shop (sort of). It means that I’m always getting the next bus, as running for public transport is a no no. Unless you wanna sit next to the sweaty guy breathing like a paedo in a nursery. And it means I can’t wear or buy ‘cool’ clothes that you see in the ‘trendy’ shops like Burton, Top Shop and Urban Cuntfitters (if you see me in the latter, hit me with something sharp and rusty. Please). Don’t get me wrong I can still look the bollocks, and I turn heads in a suit, but I’d like to not have to go up to the assistant in the shop and ask “Do you have this in a size bigger?” even though I’m already holding a XXXL.
These factors, plus many more, has given me a very self deprecating attitude when it comes to my weight. I’ll make the fat joke about myself before someone else does, followed by the all too familiar moans of my friends, sick of ANOTHER barbed comment about myself. I never get that. I figure if anyone can be critical about me it should be me! I’m not attacking you, I’m attacking myself. It’s like a verbal form of self harm. Except I’m a twenty something fat fuck and not a 14 year old girl cutting my name into my wrist. Yet….
So…sick of looking in the mirror and seeing the fat speccy cunt from Malcolm In The Middle looking back at me, I think it’s about time I do something about it.
I don’t wanna be uber skinny. It’d be nice, but, ultimately unrealistic. I just wanna have a flat stomach. And to have lost a chin or 3 cos I’m sick of turning my head to one side in photos. If I turn anymore it’ll just be a picture of the back of my head. I don’t even want a 6 pac or all that other Men’s Health cover mag shit. Just a flat stomach and to be healthily slim, rather than looking like I’m carrying an unborn twin. I just need a few things to get started. Motivation is one, but looking at myself daily I’m hoping will be enough. I also need to know what to do and for how long etc etc. Being unemployed and broke means the gym is out, so it looks like I may have to get the trackie bottoms out and start hitting the road. And to stop ordering Dominos Pizza meals that are meant to be for 2, for myself. I just need help. I’m incredibly willing.
It’s putting this kind of thing into practise where I fall down. Normally clutching a slice of pizza. I’ll do it though. Hopefully. I’ll stop being a fat cunt. I’ll start next week. Maybe. I may just drink Diet Coke and smoke constantly for 6 months. I heard that works. Then I’ll get into a pair of skinny jeans from Top Shop.
I’m joking of course. I’ll never wear skinny jeans. I may be a cunt but I’m not THAT silly.
Right, I’m off for a double cheeseburger….