If you’re reading this and you’re a guy, I’m pretty sure you’ll know what I’m talking about. You know that awkward stage where girls are kind of new and you’re still too scared to look at porn on the internet, just in case it comes up on your parent’s filter? I’m sure you do. At this age my friends and I discovered the perfect way of getting past these two minor problems; movies with sex in them! And I’m not talking about those soft porn films they used to have on Bravo – the ones where an alien comes down and has to fuck everything he sees before he’s beamed back up – I mean proper films that can actually pass as visual art when your dad walks in at the worst possible moment. Here are a few of them:
A whole film about porn! What else could you ask for as an adolescent boy? Heather Graham plays the sort of girl you wished you lived next door to – super cute, quirky and always willing to put out (but somehow not in a skanky way). And you get to see her completely naked! You also see loads more girls without any clothes on, some of them are a bit ropey though. Other than the nudity, the film has Don Cheadle, Phillip C Hoffman and William H Macy playing some of their best ever roles. Macy in particular as the ultimate push-over, apologising to his wife after he catches her in bed with another dude. It was also one of Marky Mark’s first films as a proper actor, and he’s way better in it than that shitty M. Night Shyamalan movie about evil plants.
This one is a little weirder; essentially it’s trying to portray the sexual and moral liberation of a disenchanted youth during the Paris riots of 1968, but it just leaves you feeling like that chick from James Bond is in to incest. If you are a teenage boy, and just in to it for the sex however then there’s a lot on offer – take your pick from the wanking scene, the ‘de-flowering’ scene, or the naked tent scene. Obviously there is a little more to it than that, and the evolution of the timid American student after he meets the bourgeois French siblings is quite charming, but it’s got Eva Green naked in it, and for the purpose of this article that is the most important thing.
Remember that rumour that Marilyn Manson had two of his ribs out so that he could give himself head? Well the first scene of this film proves that you don’t need any sort of major surgery to accomplish such a feat. This one is pretty full on – your dad could walk in at any moment and it would be excruciatingly awkward but you’re in it for the sex so that’s the gamble you gotta take and for lack of a better expression, you’re holding all the cards. This film has about every type of sex you could think of without being porno – one of the characters is on a mission to achieve her first orgasm, two are a gay couple opening their relationship to others and the rest is all just a haze of sex swings and gimp masks. Other than that, the acting is perfect and the stories of each New Yorker involved intertwine beautifully, kind of like Crash but without trying far too hard.
words Earlsfield Digby (my pornstar name)