BEFORE YOU DIE:

Wake up! Meet your new family. Snuggle. Vomit. Learn a foreign language. Try some salami. Try finger-painting. Cover your ears. Get in touch with your emotions. Read a book about kittens. Jump as high as you can! Visit a doctor. Visit a dentist. Have a special feeling. Do as you’re told. Take some classes. Meet new people. Try on a new outfit. Make new friends. Ride a bicycle. Discover math. Watch educational television. Fight. Lose. Prefer the color blue. Wonder about death. Feel strange. Grow a mustache. Try on some new pants. Stretch! Look at yourself in a mirror. Go dancing! Smell new people. Learn about skin care. Gargle. Kiss somebody. Take a nap.

Have a special feeling. Read a coming-of-age novel.

Get a job. Buy a new outfit. Buy a car. Work. Come of age. Quit your job. Buy another new outfit. Go dancing! Discover beer. Rediscover math. Worry about money. Get pre-approved. Go dancing! Meet more new people. Make more friends. Discover more beer. See a foreign film about emptiness. Get back in touch with your emotions. Go to a church. Make new friends. Read selected Bible passages. Study flower arranging. Eat donuts. Discover wine. Kneel. Wonder about death. Wait for a sign. Continue to wait. Give up waiting. Discover whiskey. Move to a new town. Get a job. Learn to smoke. Wonder about death. Worry about money. Rediscover beer. Smoke. Discover malt liquor. Go for a drive. Kill somebody.

Visit your local police station. Visit your regional prison. Read the Bible. Read the dictionary. Explore weightlifting. Explore your sexuality. Play chess. Get a tattoo. Do nothing. Do as you’re told. Return from prison. Jump as high as you can! Stretch! Buy a new outfit. Get a job. Work. Try to be good. Go to church. Make a joyful noise! Meet new people. Fall in love. Get married. Have a baby. Stay up all night. Try to quit smoking. Read a book about kittens. Watch the sunrise. Worry about money. Work. Get a second job. Work. Stay up all night. Go to church. Work. Learn to cook. Learn about pediatric medicine. Learn about finance. Visit a pawn shop. Call your relatives. Learn about human nature. Get back in touch with your emotions. Hit a baby.

Rediscover malt liquor. Smoke. Go for a long walk. Cross a busy street. Feel a truck.

AS YOU DIE:

Scream. Jump as high as you can! Flinch. Bleed. Twitch. Agonize. Quit smoking. Await rescue. Reflect on past experience. Consider a new career. Scream some more. Bleed. Try to wiggle your toes. Wonder about death. Apologize. Wait. Meet new people. Ride in an ambulance. Visit a hospital. Attempt to breathe. Remain hopeful. Try not to die.

Remember things you were supposed to do. Make plans. Regret everything. Float at the edge of being. Move toward the light. Expire.

AFTER YOU DIE:

Lie in state. Visit a morgue. Attend a funeral. Enter a hole. Experience dirt. Remember having lived once. List everything you’d do differently, if you only could. List it again. Wait. Rot. Enjoy occasional visits from family members. Watch them die. Enjoy occasional visits from the groundskeeper. Watch him die. Watch everybody die. Watch time die. Wait. Picture an end. Know you won’t get it. Wait. Dream of oblivion. Know you won’t get that either. Wait and wait and wait and wait and wait. Wish you had something to read. Continue to wait. Continue to rot.

WHEN JESUS FINALLY COMES TO TAKE YOU HOME:

Wake up! Meet your new family. Apologize. Grovel. Be polite. Learn a new instrument. See some old friends. Do as you’re told.

This entry was tagged as 1001 things to do before as and after you die, bizarro, jesus, literature., mykle hansen.